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A little bit overdue, but here are the lessons that I learned from my new year’s trip through Tokyo
1) Success isn’t about being fast, it’s about making deliberate decisions that move in a good direction
I’ve alluded to this in previous lessons learned and some of my quotes of the day, but my new father-in-law lives and breathes it. I realized that he’s not particularly smart or talented, and he’s not the hardest working person either. But what’s made him so successful is the fact that he always makes good decisions and sees them through without dithering or self-doubt. His decisions haven’t always been right in an absolute sense, but they always go in the right direction so there’s something to build on. In his opinion, the worst thing isn’t to make a bad decision, because even folly can be built on by simply doing the opposite. The worst is wavering and being unsure, having a good idea and mucking it up because you can’t follow through.
2) Get a wide range of experiences
The theme for our trip was to get a flavor for everything in Tokyo, from the $3 ramen to the $1500 per night luxury suite. The lesson is that your whole life should be like that, especially when you’re in your 20s and starting to get a taste for good quality. What’s important isn’t price or spending vs frugality, it’s getting an understanding of value. You want to understand the difference between a $2 shirt from K-Mart and a $2000 shirt from Burberry. What does each say about you and more importantly, is the difference in quality and value worthy of the difference in price? It isn’t always so, and having good acumen means you’re able to distinguish between price and value. Good fashion isn’t just wearing big name clothes, it’s about appreciating good value.
3) Speak in a reasonable way with well-organized thoughts
Sort of obvious, but this is the quality where I think Aki’s father shines the most. When he speaks, it is always very reasonable and his thoughts are extremely well-organized. It comes from a desire to make decisions from rational and strong but subtle and sophisticated disagreement. No matter what industry or occupation you’re going for, there’s always a place for being able to make a clear and persuasive argument. This is especially important if you’re trying to affect changes that disagree with the current management. Simply shouting “you’re wrong and you’re stupid” isn’t a good way to persuade someone to see things your way.
4) His prediction on the stimulus plan is that it’s a bubble
The stimulus plan was undoubtedly good, necessary because the government’s job in a free-market economy is to stop the bleeding when the economy goes into a recessionary cycle. This cycle starts with a sudden downturn in demand leading to oversupply, so employers lay off workers, which further depresses demand and continues to lead to oversupply – this is how a recession turns into a depression, so there’s no argument that government should try to prevent it. The problem is that more medicine is not always better, the world doesn’t always work by linear regression. That $800 billion led to 4 million jobs does not mean that $1.6 trillion will lead to 8 million jobs created or saved, just as a double dose of antibiotics doesn’t mean you’ll recover twice as fast.
The problem is that the government is quickly losing sight of its goals, especially as public unrest grows impatient for results. So what we have with the green shoots isn’t a recovery, it’s artificial government-created growth on top of the market economy, which hasn’t stopped falling. The problem is what happens when the government doesn’t have any more money to fund growth and we’re left to rely on the market economy. So you’re seeing a lot of clever accounting and statistical tricks by the government to make it look like things are getting better when really the market is still failing and nobody knows why.
As an individual, what you should take away is that the world of 2005 or the mid-1990s is over, and attempts to bring back those days are futile. What we have today is the new reality. Deal with it. The job market is adverse, but the plus side is that there is always room for talent. So hopefully the downturn will lead to American workers becoming more motivated, more talented, and more aware of what they want and what’s good for them.
5) Pachinko is like being shot in the face. Literally.
Pachinko is probably the worst game in the history of human games. When you walk into a pachinko parlor, every one of your senses is assaulted with the sound of explosions, seizure-inducing flashing lights in your eyes, the taste of cheap cologne, the feel of people bumping you constantly, and the pervasive smell of tobacco and greed. You will also lose your money very quickly unless you know what you’re doing. Unfortunately, because it’s de facto gambling, nobody is allowed to tell you the rules or how to play.
6) Tokyo is as close to utopia as you can get. That’s exactly the problem.
My impression of Tokyo is that it has all the elements of the perfect city – clean streets, low crime, no inequality, high employment, bustling business, and everyone is well-educated and has affordable health care. But there’s something missing. Sandy suggested passion but that is definitely wrong – people take a lot of pride in their work and their attention to exquisite detail requires a lot more than just talent. On the contrary, judging from the food and the art, I’d say Tokyo is bursting with passion. I think it’s ambition. The city could wake up unchanged in thirty years and still be quite content with that – in fact the city is basically unchanged from 1992 and it is still very happy with itself (I watched Shall We Dance, a Japanese movie from 1996 and Tokyo looks exactly the same, minus some horrible interior decorating ideas and clothing from the 90s).
Aki’s dad agreed with my assessment and colored in some facts. Basically, Japan is not just complacent with what it has, it is deathly afraid of losing it if it is forced to change. The idea is that if Tokyo takes any risks, it is unlikely to gain very much if the risk works out well, but if they take their shot and miss, the city could lose everything. Nobody wants to see an increase in crime, unemployment, or inequality, but that makes it very difficult to grow. Inequality is a particularly difficult issue, because not all jobs are equal. For instance, we saw a news report that Japan’s sewage system was built in 1937 and the pipes are cracking from age, but nobody in the public works department wants to go into the holes to patch up the pipes. And since everyone in the public works department is paid exactly the same and treat themselves like a family, nobody wants to order some poor bastard to crawl through some sewage pipe. The manager considered hazard pay but decided it was unfair to the other workers; why should one volunteer get paid double when everyone else works too? So nothing gets done.
And what’s wrong with that? Well, the US economy is 3x bigger in 2009 than it was in 1992. China is 9x bigger. South Korea is 6x bigger. So basically the world is passing by Japan, which is stuck in neutral.
7) The big question for 2010
Which brings me to this, the big question that society needs to address: how do you motivate people to work? The contrasts are the US banking system of bonuses, the Japanese system of family, and the Chinese system of authoritarianism.
The US banking system pays a good salary but employees really get paid by yearly bonuses. The idea is that it motivates the best talent to the industry and gets them to work very hard for profit. And it works – Wall Street regularly attracts some of the finest minds in America and pays them accordingly. This downturn has put a big damper on it, however. It’s obvious that the bonus system may encourage overambitious risk-taking, that it’s best to take crazy risks and try to get a big reward if it pays off. As an example, you can have one guy who has a brilliant year and earns $300 million for his firm, getting a $10 million bonus. But the next year, he loses $300 million for his firm and gets fired. He still walks away with $10 million and can tell future employers that he averaged $5 million bonuses over his career, which looks attractive. So the system sort of works but it has big failings.
The Japanese system is to pay equal salaries and the promise of moving up the ladder in lifetime employment. The idea is that everyone in the firm is a family, so everyone should work hard for the well-being of the company and in return, each individual gets to keep moving up at an equal pace. It also works, you get a big pool of workers who are all motivated to do well to maintain the promise of the company. The problem is risk-taking; in essence there is none, and the system encourages aversion to risk. If a manager takes a risk and it pays off, he gets nothing as an individual. Whether he earns $300 million or $0, he’ll be paid his annual salary, so long as he does not lose $300 million. If he loses that money because his risk fails, he loses everything – his job, his future, and his “family”. Also consider that the manager fears making things worse for his employees, especially as he may have climbed from the bottom ranks himself. This is the situation where Aki’s dad found himself when he returned to Tokyo from London – nobody in the bank was making any money except him. They were content with 0% returns, just so long as they didn’t face any possibility of losing money.
The Chinese system is to have the government give orders to the workers and fire anyone who fails to comply. The idea is that the government knows best and individuals are promoted based on performance, which is not necessarily based on profits. So individuals can feel free to risk large amounts of money, so long as it can be justified. The problem is an obvious lack of freedom and the possibility of corruption. When you base performance on the judgment of another human being without real regard to results, you can sometimes get skewed perceptions. In the current recession, China has done the best, so it has tempted a lot of other governments to copy parts of their system, including the US. Enlightened government can be better than greedy bankers or conservative managers, or so politicians like to think.
Time to review what I learned this week!
1) Being a good leader means being a good recruiter, a good motivator, and putting people in the right places
It bears repeating because I think this sums up the entire job very quickly while at the same time still showing the magnitude of the job and why it’s so important; people who can do all three well are very rare. I think it’s also worth noting that the size of the job is also a big factor in leadership – not everyone can handle a grand task, and failing to lead in one instance is not a predictor that they will fail at an entirely different one (and vice versa). Sports is great because it often demonstrates this on a visceral and easy to see level. Athletes who are put into an uncomfortable situation often struggle, no matter their talent or work ethic, but they’ll shine if put on the right team.
2) Know your skill set
By the same token, I think this is very important. People often take a wild stab at what kind of career they’re suited for without ever really thinking about what skills they have and thus, what they might be most successful. I suppose it’s not easy, but it is something to think about and try to inventory. Some people like solving puzzles, some people like working with their hands, and others like creative thinking. Some are patient and don’t mind doing things thoroughly, others are impatient and like to think of shortcuts. In my opinion, there’s a job for every kind of quality, and there’s no “good” or “bad” skill set unless you’re gunning for a specific career. Obviously, if you want to go into medical surgery but you have bad hands, a slow mind, and can’t handle blood or death, it’s probably not going to work.
3) Ants don’t like spices or herbs
If you want to deter ants from coming out of a hole, they don’t like a lot of common spices and herbs. It has something to do with interfering with their ability to follow a scent trail. Black pepper, paprika, mint – ants hate these and will avoid environments rich in them. You could put them all over the ground, or simply cook frequently with them.
4) Let soups and stews simmer overnight
If you’ve got the time when you’re cooking, let a soup or stew simmer overnight. It evaporates a lot of the water and leaves a very rich taste behind, something you simply can’t do by boiling faster. I’ve noticed with most of my soups that they taste much better as leftovers the next morning than they do the night that I serve it. As a mini-lesson learned, butternut squash soup is a MUST during the fall or winter seasons. It tastes like autumn. Secondary is butternut squash risotto.
Goals from the week:
1) Skip rope 5,000 times – success and more!
2) Fitness regimen – not so much, just getting warmed up again
3) Study regimen – laced it, success
4) Tuck planche or handstand 10 sec – failed, close but no cigar
5) Job search – got a few apps out but no dice
Verdict: Pretty happy. Feel good about tightening up but man, the employment market is crap.
It was Thanksgiving week, but it’s time to review the week!
1) Your late 20s is the real coming of age
The one thing I realized this week is that your late 20s are much more significant than your adolescence. While you shape habits and lifestyle in your teenage years, you’re making a lot of big decisions that can’t easily be reversed in your 20s and a setback or wrong decision could cost you years. If you make the wrong career decision or love the wrong person or buy the wrong things, you could lose a lot of opportunities. I suppose the problem is that people become very different, so there aren’t as many good generalizations to be made as there are for teenagers, where themes like perception, acceptance, and first love are more universal. I outlined some of the skills that I think are fairly common though – ability to sort out differences, the collar of money, and avoiding big mistakes. Happiness is very hard to define, but it involves a well-rounded sort of contentment. You don’t want to neglect friendship, money, love, career, or passions, because sometimes you can’t get them back.
2) As a man, you want wife and mother in law to get along
It was only recently that I realized how important this was. If you’re a girl and you’re reading this, it seems obvious – ugly relations with the in-laws will mean rocky times at family reunions and in Asian cultures, can really make the wife miserable. But as a man, it’s pretty important that you not get stuck between a war between your mother and your wife, because both will expect you to take their side and will be ENRAGED if you even sympathize with the other. I don’t think it’s as important for the husband to get along with his in-laws, but it’s nice to have two families bonded well together. In short, marriage isn’t just between two people, it affects two families. If they differ fundamentally on issues, it can cause a lot of trouble. It’s something to sort out before you put the rings on.
If you haven’t guessed where the bad blood starts, it’s usually over how to discipline a child and how hard to push expectations. Most disagreements up to that point can be suppressed to a degree, but people will go to war over their kids.
3) Calorie counting will depress you
The more ways I find to keep myself accountable, the more I realize that I’m not nearly as good as I thought I was. Keeping a count of calories is revealing a fatal love of juice and really an addiction to rice. Aki usually eats 1/4 cup of rice and feels full, while I pound the other 1.75 cups of rice. Except for the part that 1/4 cup of rice is considered a full serving at 150 calories, so I can eat like 1050 calories before I even get to the meat. One interesting side effect is that it has caused me to fall in love with kimchi, which is filling, tastes pretty good, and a jar of the stuff is like 80 calories. I now shudder to think about what I was doing when I could eat 2 cups of rice, a bowl of ramen, and a can of Spam – and think about a package of mochi ice cream for dessert.
An interesting side mystery is that my metabolism has slowed down severely and I’m not convinced that my age has everything to do with it. I think my multivitamins may be having an effect. My feet are always ice-cold these days and I don’t think I have as much energy as I used to, even though my multivitamin claims to have extra B vitamins for an energy boost. I might stop for a couple weeks and see if it picks up.
Avg sleep: 7.71 hrs
Avg calories: 1772
Goals from the week (brace yourself, it’s not good):
1) Run 12 miles – did not run at all
2) Write TKD papers – success!
3) 300 finance questions, 200 other questions – fell a bit short but not by far
4) 750 pullups, 1500 pushups, 8000 situps – not even close, maybe half
5) tuck planche, handstand for 15 seconds – I’m at maybe 5 sec, it’s harder than I thought
6) learn to juggle 4 balls – maybe for 2-3 seconds, it’s not good
7) job searching – eh
Verdict: Too much falling short, scale back or push harder
It was a rough week and there will be a lot of changes in the future. Let’s review what I learned.
1) An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure
If you feel sick or injured, take the time to assess the problem and treat it. It’s usually much easier to treat a minor problem than to suffer through the consequences. Keep in mind that professional athletes play through pain, but they have a team of doctors to monitor and test them too.
2) Bad statistics should be unforgivable
Statistics is the scientific tool of the modern age because it’s a way to measure uncertainty, which is what distinguishes it from guessing, sorcery, and religion. But the application of statistics is still the Wild West, a hodgepodge of various disciplines using whatever tools are most convenient for them. As such, you should view statistics with an extremely critical eye: what is being asked, is the sample truly random and a representation of the larger group, and does the data support the conclusion. This is especially important if the conclusion is being used for things like money or power, something that’s worth lying about.
3) Optimism and pessimism
An interesting feature I read is the differences between optimism and pessimism. Optimism is associated with qualities like creativity, flexibility, and cooperation. Pessimism is associated with problem solving, attention to detail, and careful thinking. It’s not about striking a balance because that’s impossible, the two qualities are mutually exclusive. What’s important is the timing. There are times to be optimistic and other times to unleash the pessimistic qualities. Either through luck or thinking ahead, what separates success from failure is often choosing the right attitude and using its qualities.
Goals from the week:
No review, I was sick. It would be brutal.
Time to review the week!
1) Pro:Con::Progress:________
The House passed the health care bill over the weekend and it’s time to review a crucial concept, since good old Nancy Pelosi is acting like it’s weird that the “progressive” agenda hasn’t rolled faster over America. But I might be a bit late, since the liberal political blogs that I read have been nearly as unhappy about the bill as conservatives (although they’re unhappy at the compromises, not the excess). If you still haven’t figured out why the progressive agenda might be an awful idea waiting to happen, the answer is “consequence”.
2) Good leadership is about making people feel more connected, not more exclusive
You can be exclusive when so many people want to join in that you can prune out the undesirable. But you can’t when meetings are run where 90% of the attendees wish they were somewhere else and it’s considered an act of kindness to make excuses that keep someone out. Forcing people into a group guarantees poor morale and bad work, especially if you’re demanding improvement and high standards. The first thing they tell you in Navy SEAL training is “You volunteered for this. Nobody asked you to come here”. It’s a big difference.
3) Rest is overrated
I took a rest day this week and it didn’t do crap. Oh sure, it’s different if you have an acute injury like a bruise, a muscle strain, or a joint sprain, and you need time to deaden the pain. But going from an overuse injury to nothing is just begging to create an ugly cycle. Reduced days and cross-training seem to work far better at avoiding staleness and encouraging the body to heal faster. It’s all about staying active, mind and body.
4) Couples dating
One thing I don’t like about married life is the fact that “we” don’t have many friends, and it’s difficult in the context of marriage for either one of us to enjoy our private friendships. I’ve been trying to reach out to my friends a little better since the wedding, but I haven’t gotten much farther than some funny phone and IM conversations. It is just as hard for Aki, since I’m definitely not close with any of her friends. So what we need is some couples dating, to find other couples to be friends with and try going out with them. Wow, this lesson makes me sound pathetic so I’m going to stop myself right here.
Goals from the week:
1) Run summary. Fell far short:
2) – 5) Let’s just leave it at “fell short”
6) I did experiment with budgets and found some interesting things
Verdict: “fell short” is the theme of the week, it seems. Pretty bad.
Let’s go over what I learned this week
1) This studying thing really works
I was skeptical, but it turns out that how you do on practice tests is a pretty good reflection of how you’ll do on the real thing. But you have to think through what you’re doing – if you’re testing concepts, then you have to constantly evaluate what it means in real terms, and if you’re testing applications, then you have to ponder what concepts you’re learning. What I’m really saying is don’t learn like a monkey – don’t just learn lessons one by one based solely on the specific problems you’ve been given.
2) The health care debate comes down to two questions
Health care reform has gotten ugly for a long time now, but let me frame the issues for you. There are two big questions and Democrats are trying a huge bait and switch with them. The first question is whether everyone “deserves” health care. In real terms, this means whether you want to tax the productive 80% of our society to provide free care to the poorest 20%. A “yes” has to come with the caveat that the poorest 20% tend to be the least productive members of society and the highest risk group for health problems. This is why an ER visit currently costs you $3000 – you’re not just paying for you, you’re paying for the homeless guy who got hit by a car because the hospital can’t turn him away.
The second question is for everyone else, how to rein in the rising costs of health care. There’s almost no doubt that the health care system is unsustainable if costs continue their inexorable upward rise, so we need to reduce the amount that people spend, either by controlling costs, increasing the number of providers, making technology more accessible, etc. Especially as Baby Boomers retire and strain the system with demands for better and cheaper/free care, we’re going to see America saddled with a massive debt problem, and it’s far from obvious that Gen X/Millenials can bail out the system. The answer sure as hell isn’t in a giant collusion of Democrats, pharmaceutical and insurance lobbyists, the American Medical Association, and a handful of lawyers.
Now, the excuse I hate more than anything and a primary reason I think we have all these problems is the argument “let your insurance pay for it”. Just like everything else in economics, you spend your own money much more prudently than the insurance company’s. That’s not necessarily a good thing, because preventive care is a big deal, so the free market argument probably isn’t optimal (because most people vastly underestimate or misunderstand the risks they assume with lifestyle choices). But treating the insurance company like a buffet where everyone tries to eat more than their money’s worth is also leading us over the cliff. I’m not sure what the best solution is, but I hope this illuminates the debate for you.
Goals from the week:
1) passed one exam, failed the other
2) Ran 15 miles! Hooray! Summary:
3) Did the workouts
4) Did not cook eggs
5) 240 finance questions, 80% of goal
6) Did not do other studying
7) Did not learn to juggle 4 balls, can judge 2 or 3 balls for a minute
 Did not practice tuck planche, handstand
Verdict: 50% success for an ambitious schedule. Must do better and be more reliable.
Time to review the week!
1) Pasta dough needs to be much drier than bread dough
It took me two batches, but I’ve finally realized my most critical mistake in attempting to make fresh pasta. I used to cook bread dough a lot and when you process that, it should be a little sticky to the touch. But it’s very very important that when you knead pasta dough, that it ends up being very dry. You can’t fix it with more flour if you let it rest when it’s gooey, I wasted a lot of resources trying to save it.
2) Save your .edu e-mail address, get Windows 7 through Digital River
A few days into my experience, I would highly recommend Windows 7 because it’s faster, smoother, and operates better than any previous Microsoft OS. If you’ve ever had an Apple, it feels very much like that; a little more wobbly, but a similar experience. But you should be upgrading with a .edu e-mail address because it only costs $30. If you have two computers like me, you can also take advantage of a loophole and get home premium for one computer and professional for the other. This is your one chance to get a good program and not fear the consequences of Microsoft catching you with pirated software. Also, do a “custom install” to clean out your computer, just be sure to save all your personal data on the desktop or the program files folder.
3) Use your wedding to upgrade your kitchenware
It was probably the best wedding decision we made to ask the Chicago group for plates and the Karpen lab for a big gift card. You will not have a better chance to force yourself out of the student lifestyle and drag yourself into middle class yuppie-hood.
Goals from the week:
1) Succeeded in exercising every day and ran 12 miles. Running summary:
2) Succeeded with 600 questions, 79% correct
3) Learned to use chef’s knife, did not succeed with pasta
4) Watched less TV, but did not do arts time
Verdict: Quite good. Proud of the effort.
Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve done this. Well, only two weeks but it feels like a lifetime ago. I almost don’t remember how….oh yes, now I remember!
1) Don’t go to Hawaii for the food
By far the most disappointing aspect of Hawaii was the food. To put it shortly, it was awful. Not “this makes me want to throw up” awful, but “are you seriously charging $30 for this overcooked fish” awful. If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area and you don’t love bread and cheese or fish or steak, you are taking for granted one of the best areas in the country for food. The cheese they pawned off as great in Hawaii would be sold in Berkeley for a punch in the face. Nobody in Hawaii apparently knows how to cook fish properly. The only good things were the sweets – smoothies, jam, and anything with macadamia nuts in it.
2) White people love Hawaii
On the plane and at the hotel, Aki and I were the only non-white people visiting Hawaii. A couple members of the staff looked a bit confused about our stay too. Aki’s theory is that Asians can’t appreciate the simple joy of reading on the beach; they don’t see the point. Asians prefer to sample the local activities and run around seeing stuff, rather than lounging around. I’m not sure I agree with her theory, but the proof is in the pudding. Not only was everyone at the hotel white, they all loved sitting around the pool or on the beach reading. I was the only person who swam for exercise and we were the only ones who used the tennis courts. Unfortunately for stereotypes, all of the white Americans were also fat. All of the skinny white people we saw were Europeans.
3) Hawaiians are not very smart
The combination of being a small town and a tropical paradise means life in Hawaii moves very slowly, and consequently the people were pretty stupid, probably the dumbest we’ve seen on our vacations (although Phoenix would give them a run). They were also the nicest and the most obedient. Nobody from Hawaii speeds on the road, which is pretty painful since all the roads are also two lanes and speed limits hover around 25-30 mph in most places. So it’s a great tourist location for a week, but if you’re at all intelligent, you would never want to live here. You’d have to bombard your brain with marijuana to slow yourself down to local speed.
4) I’ve become soft
As a newlywed, Aki and I talked a lot on the honeymoon about future plans and such, and the conclusion of it was that I realized that I’ve grown very soft, in all aspects. From my mind to my fitness to my discipline, I need to forge myself into a stronger and tougher individual and become accustomed to a harsher lifestyle. The grain of steel is still inside, but the outside is not sharp. It’s something to work on for the rest of the year.
The thing I love most about Aki can be told in an anecdote. When discussing my struggles with tests, in particular the fact that the CFA exam and my black belt test are on the same day and I might do one half-heartedly for “experience”, Aki gave me a pat on the arm and asked “Well, why don’t you just pass? Why not just work your ass off and just do it? Pass both of them!”
5) Never open your mouth until you know what the shot is
At the start of the honeymoon, I panicked a little bit about my finances because I paid a lot of unexpected expenses right around the wedding. I worried that my account was going to go negative, so I prematurely shot my mouth off (well, my cell phone). I ended up having to eat a lot of crow and worst of all, I panicked for nothing. My account was fine and my finances were a lot healthier than I thought. It was hard to pull myself together with all the latent stress, and I fouled it up pretty badly by being impatient about things.
I took a rest day today so there’s no need for a post about it. Let’s go over the week!
1) It’s never too late to start over
This applies to exercise, business, and porn; in life, really. It’s never too late to start from scratch and decide you really want to change. Lasting change takes time and effort, obviously, but don’t let yourself get stuck in a rut and then exacerbate it by being depressed that it’s too late to pull yourself out. It’s most difficult once you get into porn, believe me, but you can still say no and pull out.
2) Stock and demi-glaze
Two essentials of any kitchen and so easy to make. For stock, just dump a bunch of bones with vegetables and water, and reduce (simmer) until it tastes almost like soup. You can make a ton and freeze it in pots, thawing it when you need it for soup or sauces.
For demi-glaze, mix a little red wine in with a small pot of stock, then toss is shallots, thyme, bay leaf, and peppercorn. Reduce this until it coats the back of a spoon, then pour it into an ice tray and keep it in the freezer. When you’re making fancy sauces, pop out a cube and thaw it in a pan with some butter.
3) Wait to have kids
Sandy had some interesting research that couples who have kids show a consistent and inexorable decrease in life satisfaction. It is worse the shorter a marriage is before children. Staring over the brink, I can tell you why. The prospect of children isn’t just terrifying, it represents the end of “my” life and the beginning of a life of parenthood. With kids, my goals and aspirations don’t matter any more because I have to make sure my kids take all the improvement. Which sucks, if I’m honest. And a big part of marriage is sex. You get all the free sex you want, which is also stymied by children.
You know what sucks the most? The fact that I’m married very early on in comparison to my direct peers and don’t know anyone else who even remotely shares my feelings. I hate you all.
Goals from the week:
1) Only got about halfway there, but hit the percentages
2) Got the exercise but not the running
3) Nailed them all. Wedding planning has been perfect so far.
Verdict: Fell pretty short. Wish I could do better, but I’m okay with this if the wedding goes well.
One more week, one more set of lessons learned. Let’s review:
1) To be good at any sport, you need a strong running base
This week has made me realize quite starkly that I am not in good running shape, and that is hurting my performance badly. From taekwondo to tennis to jabroni hour, I’m gassing out because my running base is not strong. I need a lot more training in all kinds of running, both long distance and sprinting. If you want to perform at better than n00b level, you need to be able to perform the activity for the minimum amount of time without being too tired. For TKD, that means being able to bounce and move around for 3 three-minute rounds. For tennis, that means being able to run and swing for at least a couple hours. For jabroni hour, it means being able to sweat and bust ass for as long as necessary to finish the workout without wishing you could lay down and die. I will take much more consideration of my running base.
2) Wedding planning will drain you white, both literally and financially
If you ever have to plan a wedding, be sure to keep your coffers full and your other life stress less than normal. Two weeks out, the wedding planning has become an extreme burden. I miscalculated badly on my own reserves and I’ve been basically wiped out by extraneous costs. There isn’t any one thing that got to me, it’s just the collective of spending a few hundred here, a grand there. We’re making things a lot nicer than necessary and being a lot more generous than normal (for instance, doing the English tradition of paying for the dresses and tuxes of our wedding party), hoping that the end product is a lot more sophisticated than people are used to. Also, don’t listen to wedding planners – everyone told us 80 is a small number, because it is in comparison to Indian people who regularly have 300+ person weddings. But Miller told me that his brother’s wedding had 80 people and felt good-sized, while the reception was 150 and felt overwhelming.
3) Best jobs out of college are whatever you’re really passionate about
Going to the reunion, I had a few observations about my classmates. First and foremost, the doctors look BEAT. About ten of my closer friends became doctors – four radiologists, an orthopedic surgeon, a neurosurgeon, an otolaryngologist, an ophthalmologist, a urologist, and an obstetrician. The common feature in all of them is that they had been pushed incredibly hard in their training and were heavily overworked – bags under the eyes and grim smiles were the norm. But what drove them was their passion for medicine and how much they loved what they did. Even though the work is tough and the hours are long, they were not unhappy with their career choice. The lawyers and financial people were more sharply dressed but seemed a lot more ambivalent about how happy they were – most were pleased with their lives but some seemed to be swallowing a bitter life as the price of success. For ultimate happiness, nobody seemed happier as a group than the people who started their own businesses. There’s something about being in control of your life, nurturing your own growth, and fostering success on your own that makes life seem pretty good. Don’t get me wrong, they also had the biggest struggles and probably the hardest lives (both in long hours and worry about future success), but they seemed the most satisfied with what they’ve done.
Goals from the week:
1) Done, if you reduce the goal to 70% of what I said because of my trip to LA
2) Got the exercise but didn’t get the running
3) Done – wedding stuff is very much on track, the only thing in my life that’s working out right now
4) Done and done
Verdict: Not bad – the trip to LA was healthy but shut progress down. It was worth it.
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